its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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