Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
do nipples grow back?
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