Can i not drive my cunt home
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I deserve this hangover.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
