i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
