I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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