I will die if light touches me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
