hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
