I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
