I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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