I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
