am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize