I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
