He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
