How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
