walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
