how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
