I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
