The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We left an ass print on the piano.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
