woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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