she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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