Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
