Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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