I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize