He kissed a someone with a penis
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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