her facebook's as public as her vagina
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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