idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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