Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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