Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
