Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize