I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
