Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
