I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
