um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
