This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i now understand why vodka
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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