so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
