I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
