I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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