And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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