Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
