Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
