i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
