Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
