So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You need a sexual gate keeper
FUCK WHALES
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