He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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