She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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