and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
