Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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