babies were throwing up all over the place
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
