If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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