Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
