I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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