I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
