yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
