Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Success! We fucked roommates!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
