my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
