At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
