so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
