So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
