People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
