Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
