she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
