I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
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Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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