I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
