I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
