She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
