If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
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you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
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Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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