Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I will pee on everything he values.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
