Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
