he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
