Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
