I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
