You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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