You were right. It hurts to walk today.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
